1.5
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Purple Glow
SCREENER/APPROX. 78 MINS/2005/USA UNRATED
SCREENER/APPROX. 78 MINS/2005/USA UNRATED
Apparently, when chicks go near crashed meteorites, it makes them sex mad and want to masturbate instantly. Got to get me one of those…
Mind you, it also makes them bloodthirsty nut-jobs – so there’s a down-side too, I guess.
Purple Glow is a low budget sci-fi horror, and bears all the hallmarks of that genre – fundamentally unlikeable characters, bad acting, feeble
plotline, laughable special effects, cliché set pieces – you know the drill. A meteorite lands in the woods and a bunch of early 20s kids are camping
nearby. The meteorite has spooky mind-controlling powers and kills power to mobile phones and cars and, well, the rest writes itself, really. Any
time a chick touches the rock they immediately start diddling their pooter and then turn homicidal.
The script writer deserves to be beaten with a pool cue for giving the actors such bogus dialogue, let alone having composed such a trite plot. And
might I say that when I see that a script is being written by someone with the surname “Ribspreader”, it does tend to make one think that there
might be more gore on offer than there actually is – there’s some blood splashed about, but that’s about it. I don’t watch or judge films for their
gore content, but this film needed something to spice it up.
The performances by the actors themselves are woeful – you actively wait for the characters to die, especially (with the exception of the big-
boobed blonde Samantha) the females. I’m not a misogynist, these characters are just horrible, unsympathetic whiny bitches. I don’t think the
words “acting school” would feature highly in the resume of any of the cast of Purple Glow…
Despite this disc being a screener, there were also some trailers on offer, for The Night They Returned (looks like a much bloodier and gorier affair
than Purple Glow, with some of the same cast members), Purple Glow (obviously), She-Demons of the Black Sun (Satanic rape-revenge film;
also featuring similar cast and crew to the previous), and Rise of the Ghosts (another Sv Bell film, the trailer of which was giving nothing away).
This film is anti-climactic in the extreme; no tension of any kind is created at any point in the film. I won’t “spoil” the ending for you (well, actually,
there are about four or five endings, each becoming more cliché-ridden than the last), but if you’re a fan of the genre, you’ll pick it a mile away. Like
poking yourself in the eye with a fork, this is best avoided.
Mind you, it also makes them bloodthirsty nut-jobs – so there’s a down-side too, I guess.
Purple Glow is a low budget sci-fi horror, and bears all the hallmarks of that genre – fundamentally unlikeable characters, bad acting, feeble
plotline, laughable special effects, cliché set pieces – you know the drill. A meteorite lands in the woods and a bunch of early 20s kids are camping
nearby. The meteorite has spooky mind-controlling powers and kills power to mobile phones and cars and, well, the rest writes itself, really. Any
time a chick touches the rock they immediately start diddling their pooter and then turn homicidal.
The script writer deserves to be beaten with a pool cue for giving the actors such bogus dialogue, let alone having composed such a trite plot. And
might I say that when I see that a script is being written by someone with the surname “Ribspreader”, it does tend to make one think that there
might be more gore on offer than there actually is – there’s some blood splashed about, but that’s about it. I don’t watch or judge films for their
gore content, but this film needed something to spice it up.
The performances by the actors themselves are woeful – you actively wait for the characters to die, especially (with the exception of the big-
boobed blonde Samantha) the females. I’m not a misogynist, these characters are just horrible, unsympathetic whiny bitches. I don’t think the
words “acting school” would feature highly in the resume of any of the cast of Purple Glow…
Despite this disc being a screener, there were also some trailers on offer, for The Night They Returned (looks like a much bloodier and gorier affair
than Purple Glow, with some of the same cast members), Purple Glow (obviously), She-Demons of the Black Sun (Satanic rape-revenge film;
also featuring similar cast and crew to the previous), and Rise of the Ghosts (another Sv Bell film, the trailer of which was giving nothing away).
This film is anti-climactic in the extreme; no tension of any kind is created at any point in the film. I won’t “spoil” the ending for you (well, actually,
there are about four or five endings, each becoming more cliché-ridden than the last), but if you’re a fan of the genre, you’ll pick it a mile away. Like
poking yourself in the eye with a fork, this is best avoided.
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